Dundalk Day 4


 I awoke this morning feeling better: no headache, no aches or pains, no coughing jags. My nose is still stuffy, I still cough from the sinus drainage, my chest muscles hurt some from so much coughing these last days, but I can tell I have crossed over the worst of it. At least it would seem so right now. I am thinking about going out for a walk. Today is the first time in several days I have even considered a walk. I have felt too fatigued and miserable. 

For several days now, I have watched out my window and wondered about the people who walk with a dog in the field across from me. I wonder where the trail leads and if it leads to the ocean. I wonder when it is low tide and high tide. The ocean is just far enough away that I cannot make it out. The days have been so cloudy it is sometimes difficult to tell where the ocean and sky separate. And then I wonder, if I were to walk, how long it would take for me to reach the ocean. Soon I may know. Soon I may know.

I give thanks for all the kindnesses of people who are helping me. The reception desk called me yesterday just to see how I am feeling. Reception is taking my food orders so that they can put the bill on my room instead of me having to sign for it. I requested a continental breakfast for yesterday morning. They must have thought I was starving! They sent a basket of danishes and croissants, three bananas, a pear, and an apple, a bowl of cut up fresh fruit, orange juice, a pot of coffee and a pot of milk. So outrageously thoughtful. It is enough to feed me for a couple more breakfasts and to give me snacks.

Last night I ordered a bowl of soup for dinner. The gentleman said he would bring it up in 5 minutes. After he knocked on the door I gave him a couple minutes to leave before retrieving it. I turned and saw him lurking a few doors down. He waved and greeted me enthusiastically and asked how I was. Everyone has been so kind and supportive.

I talked with my sister today, my friend Scotti and Doug. Scottie asked if I was lonely or scared being sick here alone. My answer was no. People are so kind and gracious to me. I know help is available if I need it. But also I have been held up by so many prayers I can feel it. My Inis Mor Pilgrimage friends have held me, the St. Brigid’s Way pilgrims have held me, the St. Patrick’s Way folks have held me, my parish church at home as held me, my friends have held me, and my family has cared for everything at home so I have not had to worry. I feel blessed and grateful.

When you set out on pilgrimage, it is to seek the Holy. One has to be open to what may come. Saturday was deeply disappointing when the Covid test came back positive and I felt sicker and sicker. It was hard to let go of what I had hoped would be my trip. It was hard to cancel my plans. Everything had come together in the planning and seemed like it was working out so wonderfully. The act of periginatio means leaving one’s homeland and wandering for the love of God. I had not approached this time as a grand vacation. I had set this time for pilgrimage. In the midst of disappointment I have had to remember this.

So I guess, this part of my journey has been the journey of letting go and accepting the illness and the confinement, and  to reset my expectations. It is my time to strengthen my trust that all is well, no matter what or where.

Prayer

Holy one, continue to open my heart to trust in the goodness that surrounds me and allow me to see your hand at work in all things. Help me to let go of my plans and trust in the day that comes. Fill my heart with joy as I look out at your creation and drink in the beauty that surrounds me and heals me. 


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